Monday, November 19, 2007

The woman in your life...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry with these
facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as
human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people
who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your
family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you
sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment
and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and
cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are,
maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a
cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning
just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy
at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if
she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men
at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is
willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational
jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like
yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her
some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she
knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities
and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this. :-(

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Then tomorrow can be too late...

If you're mad with someone and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it. Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend. And if u doesn't, tomorrow can be too late.

If you're in love with somebody, but that person doesn't know...
tell her/him. Maybe today, that person is also in love with you. And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late.

If you still love a person that you think has forgotten you...
tell her/him. Maybe that person has always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them. Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it. Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today, and then tomorrow can be too late.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Remain forever near

As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.

These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends,God sends our way,
Remain forever near

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The best excuse for having an affair.

The wife came home early to find her husband making
love to a beautiful sexy young woman.

"You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you
doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife,
the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house
and I want a divorce!"

The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you
leave, at least listen to what happened."

"It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make
it fast, you cheating creep."

"While driving home this young lady asked for a ride.
I saw her so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed
her into my car. I noticed she was very thin, not well
dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had not eaten for
three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and
warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night
that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll
gain more weight.

When I served them to her, the poor young thing,
practically inhaled them. Since she was dirty I asked
her if she'd like to bathe. While she was showering, I
noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so
I threw them away.

Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans
that you no longer wear because they're too tight on
you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our
anniversary and you dont wear because I don't have
good taste.

I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for
Christmas that you won't wear just to bother my sister
and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the
expensive boutique that you never wore again after you
saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the
door where she turned around and with tears of
gratitude streaming down her cheeks,

she asked me, "Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use?"

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

WINNING DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN BEING FIRST...



WINNING DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN BEING FIRST , WINNING MEANS YOU'RE DOING BETTER THAN YOU'VE DONE BEFORE.

It is better to be a lion for a day than...



'It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.' -Elizabeth Kenny.

Save Trees

Failure...


I will not say i failed 1000 times, i will say that i discovered there are 1000 ways that can cause failure.
- Thomas Edition

Mistake...


If someone feels that they had never made a mistake in their life, then it means they had never tried a new thing in thier life.
- Einstein

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Feeling

No one Will ever remember how you looked, how you spoke, what you did.
But the only thing they will ever remember is how you made them FEEL.


Coming together is BEGINING, keeping together is PROGRESS,
Living together is LIFE, dieing together is LOVE,
But feeling together is FRIENDSHIP

Treasure the love you receive...

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love.
~ Henry Drummond

Treasure the love you receive above all.It will survive long after your good health has vanished.
~ Og Mandino

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
~ Pearl S. Buck

Love works in miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and stretching the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy.
~ Marguerite De Valois

All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon the sand.
~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark....

Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss!
Her lips suck forth my soul: see, where it flies!
Come Helen, come give me my soul again.
Here will I dwell, for heaven be in these lips,
And all is dross that is not Helena.
~ Christopher Marlowe

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point.
~ Mistinguett

Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet; In short, my deary, kiss me, and be quiet.
~ Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

I never thought that love could feel like this - then you changed my world with just one kiss.
~ N Sync


A kiss, when all is said, what is it?
A rosy dot placed on the "i" in loving;
'Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.
~ Edmond Rostand

A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth--and endures all the rest.
~ Helen Rowland

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her--when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
~ Helen Rowland

I understand thy kisses, and thou mine,
And that's a feeling disputation.
~ William Shakespeare

Teach not thy lip such scorn, for it was made
For kissing, lady, not for such contempt.
~ William Shakespeare

... a wild dissolving bliss
Over my frame he breathed, approaching near,
And bent his eyes of kindling tenderness
Near mine, and on my lips impressed a lingering kiss,
~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

Welcome to the corporate world!!

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger that
looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached to his bag and
pulled out a pair of Nike shoes.

His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to
make you run faster than that tiger?"


I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied. "I just
have to run faster than you".
...
...
..
...
Welcome to the corporate world!!

Friday, August 17, 2007

IN PRISON v/s AT WORK

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 10 cell
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle

IN PRISON you get three meals a day
AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more work

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet
AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your friends and family to visit.
AT WORK you cannot even speak to your friends and family unless on a break (when your eating your 1 meal)

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by tax payers with no work required.
AT WORK you pay all expenses to go to work and they deduct taxes to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out
AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside the bars.

IN PRISON there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK they are called managers.

IN PRISON you have unlimited time to read email jokes.
AT WORK you get fired if you get caught.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest....(EXCELLENT)

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.

The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"



2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students



3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public



4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards



5) The Canary islands , in the Pacific Ocean , has its name based on
which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Sardar gives up.

If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then
please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of
the puppies.

Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again. They are also our brothers. As an indian we should respect them.

On behalf of, our punjab battalian who died for our country

Think about youself how deep water in you are.......:) :)

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Romantic Love Quotes: In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything...

What greater thing is there for two human souls that to feel that they are joined... to strengthen each other... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.
~ George Eliot

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin


For one human being to love another that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
~ Mother Teresa

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low.
~ Henry Ward Beecher

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0. - Tech Support

Dear Tech Support,

==> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0.

==> Soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

==> In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

==> Can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.

==> I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User



Tech Support reply:

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

==> Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM.

==> You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0, because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

==> It is recommended that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

==> The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

==> Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
==> Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean & Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

==> However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.

==> Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software called Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

==> WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.


Best of luck,
Tech Support

Monday, August 6, 2007

You will never let my hand go...



Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Hilarious TV Commercials (EXCELLENT)

Monday, July 30, 2007

BABIES...(Amazing....its choo.... cute)












Being disciplined is good .......(Cute Ones)










Thursday, July 26, 2007

CUTE Animals....chooo cute







Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Q & A with president BUSH (Joke)

Once president BUSH went to a school to interact with them. After a brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up;

Bush: What's your name
John: John
Bush: What's you question
John: Sir, I have three questions

1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO ?

2) Where is Osama ?

3) Why does America support Pakistan so much ?

Bush: You are an intelligent student John….(Just then the bell for recess rang)
Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.

After the recess

Bush: Ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush : What's your name?
Peter : Sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO
2) Where is Osama
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much
4) Why did recess bell ring 20 mins before the scheduled time
5) Where is JOHN?

Why is India not proud of itself

India As Pakistan journal sees

The information below about India was given in the Pakistan magazine, The News International by Masood Khan on December 14, 2004.

The world's five largest car companies are procuring their spare parts from India. In 2002, export was to the tune of Rs 1,700 crores and it quadrupled in 2003 to Rs 7,000 crores. In the next five years export is expected to cross Rs 70,000 crore.

India's HERO HONDA is the world largest motorcycle manufacturing company. It manufactures 17 lakh motorcycles per year.

England's popular Rover car company is going to manufacture TATA INDICA, the Indian technology car at the rate of one lakh cars per year.

Why India not proud of itself?

BHARAT FORGE had emerged as the largest forging company in the world and supplies its products to world popular companies like Volvo, Toyota, Honda, etc.

ASIAN PAINTS, an Indian paint company, has its manufacturing plants in 22 countries across five continents and is the market leader in 11 countries.

HINDUSTAN INKS, an Indian ink manufacturing company, which is producing the world largest-one lakh tonnes of ink per annum-has its manufacturing branches in Europe and America.

Multinational car companies, like Suzuki, Hundai and Ford have started exporting their cars from India and by 2010, they will export around five lakh cars from India.

The Indian medicine sector manufactures products worth Rs 30,000 crores per year out of which Rs 10,000 crores worth of drugs are exported.

The Indian herbal business has grown to Rs 4,000 crore per annum. India contributes 20 per cent of the world's textile manufactures. India has proudly established its own super computers whereas the other countries to do so are only America and Japan.

India is one among the six countries, which can build and launch satellites. Due to Insat Organisation, India has become a very big national satellite network country in the world.

Nine out of 10 diamonds in the world are cut and polished in India which is the No. 1 country in the world in diamond polishing and cutting.

India and China's business has grown by 104 per cent within a year. India's foreign reserves have risen from US$ 82 billion US$ to 118 billion.

India had paid back the IMF loan before the due date and started funding other developing countries.

India provides software to seven out of the 10 largest CD-ROM manufacturers in the world.

India spends only Rs 70,000 for producing an MBA whereas in America the expense is Rs 54 lakh.

The eye cataract operation in India costs only Rs 600 whereas in America, it costs Rs 7000. A heart surgery in India costs only Rs 40,000 whereas in America it is Rs 6 lakhs.

The R&D expense to make a car in America is Rs 4,500 crore whereas in India it is half of it and R&D is conducted with the same perfection. More than 70 multinational companies have established their R&D centres in India.

The Indian telephone and internet network is expanding by crores number-wise. Nearly 100 out of Fortune 500 companies have come to India to do business while only 33 have gone to China.

So, India is making stupendous progress in the world market and covers as disparate markets as ranging from Brazil to China.

According to Masood Khan, "These developments have not come to India in a day or by luck. In India too, situations similar to Pakistan exist like dirty politics, corruption, arrogant officials, poor infrastructure, etc., but still India keeps growing every day and nobody can deny the fact. This happens because the Indian people are not just merely looking at the dirty problems around them but see the star of confidence in the sky, the growth opportunity and working for it with self-motivation being their target for progress."

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The decision to kiss for the first time ....

The decision to kiss for the first time is the
most crucial in any love story. It changes the
relationship of two people much more strongly
than even the final surrender; because this kiss
already has within it that surrender.
~ Emil Ludwig

Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?
~ Henry Finck

There is the kiss of welcome and
of parting, the long, lingering, loving,
present one; the stolen, or the mutual one;
the kiss of love, of joy, and of sorrow;
the seal of promise and receipt of fulfillment.
~ Thomas C. Haliburotn (1796-1865)-

Never a lip is curved with pain
That can't be kissed into smile again.
~ Brete Harte

You may conquer with the sword,
but you are conquered by a kiss.
~ Daniel Heinsius (1580-1655)-

I kissed her hard and held her tight and tried to open her lips; they were closed tight.
~ Ernest Hemingway

Give me a kiss, add to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun.
~ Robert Herrick

I dare not ask a kiss;
I dare not beg a smile;
Lest having that or this,
I might grow proud the while.

No, no, the utmost share
Of my desire shall be
Only to kiss that air,
That lately kissed thee.
~ Robert Herrick

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss...
~ Herman Hupfeld


She press'd his hand in slumber; so once more
He could not help but kiss her and adore.
~ John Keats

Now a soft kiss -- Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss
~ John Keats

Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was--like eating an egg without salt.
~ Rudyard Kipling

Monday, July 16, 2007

FRIENDSHIP Quotes

In this cruel world it is very difficult to find friend with beautiful heart, pure feelings, attractive personality & stylish looks. So learn to value me!

============================================

Being a friend is not just sharing a joke, a conversation, a cup of coffee or a funny story. It means sharing an honest and true part of yourself.

============================================

FRiEND in different lanaguages...
Iranian - DOST
German - FREUND
Herbew - CHAVER
French - AMi
Pinoy - KAiBiGAN
Dutch - VREND
Mexican - AMiGO

For me.. just simply "YOU"

============================================

Friendship is not about finding similarities, it is about respecting differences. You are not my friend coz you are like me, but because i accept you and respect you the way you are.

============================================

God picked up a flower and dipped it in a DEW, lovingly touched it which turned in to u, and the he gifted to me and said, THIS FRIEND IS 4U.

============================================

GOD is so wise that he never created FRIENDS with pricetags, Because..... if He did, I can't afford a precious FRIEND like YOU!!!

============================================

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.

============================================

If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!

============================================

Friendship is sweet when it’s new, Sweeter when its true, but sweetest when its u. When God gave friends he tried 2 b fair! When I got u, I got more than my share!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

ULTIMATE INTERVIEW of JAM & SAM(Humour).

JAM went for an IAS Interview.


"When did India get independence?" He was asked.


"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.


"Who was responsible for our independence?"


"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.


"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"


"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.


The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent SAM would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.


Then it was the turn of this SAM. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"


He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."


Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"


He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".


The interviewer was incensed.


" Hey! Are you mad or what?"


He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report ."

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

DrunKard ABCD

A For Aristocrat
B For Bagpiper
C For contessa
D For Director's Special
E For Eight PM
F For Four Roses
G For God Father
H For Haywards
I For Imperial Blue
J For Johny Walker
K For King Fisher
L For Lincoln Lager
M For Master Brew
N For Narragansett Bock
O For Old Monk
P For Pioneer Ale
Q For Quat
R For Red Label
S For Scotch
T For Trommers White Label
U For Utica CSAB
V For VAT 69
W For WATKINS
X For XXX
Y For Yotoc
Z For Zingaro

Monday, June 25, 2007

GOD's IVRS "Inter-active Voice Response System"

Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System" as a necessary part of modern life.
I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:

Let us imagine a scenario. You dialed God's number.

"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:

If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0."

So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:

Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni."

Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:

"We are sorry; all Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon."

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:

"If you know your God's extension, dial it now."

Or, you might hear this:

"If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.

For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favors, Press 5."

Or, you might even hear this:

"You have reached Lord Krishna's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now."

Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end
of
your life cycle:

"If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort,
please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof
of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you."

Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:

"If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned
to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press
the 0
key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL."

For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:

"Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today.
Please hang up and try again tomorrow."

Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:

"This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialing 6000-31,000."

So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year 2006 !

DEFINITELY THIS IS THE BEST E-MAIL OF THE YEAR 2006!!!!!


A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!

Friday, June 1, 2007

In case you ever run out of gift ideas......


"In case you ever run out of gift ideas, heres a lil tip; give me you laugh.
Whether it's mischievous, tender, loud or quit, simply give me a laugh from your heart. Your laughter brings me never ending joy."

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Women In Art - EXCELLENT Video

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Porsche Sexy Commercial

Nike's Funny Commercial

Japanese beauty crowned Ms Universe

Japanese beauty Riyo Mori was crowned Ms Universe 2007 in a glittering ceremony at the National Stadium in Mexico City on Tuesday morning.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The 90/10 Principle: It CAN change your life***!!!!!!!

The 90/10 Principle

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different.
You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light., but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.

You have no control over what just what happened.

What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.

You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.

She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows.
You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work.

You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are
late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school.
Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.

After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your
briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad
day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is " D".

You had no control over what happened with the coffee.

How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say,
"It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge.

Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the
negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day.
A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting
stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?

Do you lose your temper?

Pound on the steering wheel?

Do you curse?

Does your blood pressure skyrocket?

Do you try and bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.

Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress,
trials, problems and heartache.

We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.

It CAN change your life***!!!!!!!

Kiss Quotes (II)

Kiss me as if you made believe
You were not sure this eve,
How my face, your flower, had pursed
It's petals up ...
~ Robert Browning

You should not take a fellow eight years old and make him swear to never kiss the girls.
~ Robert Browning

The moment eternal - just that and no more -
When ecstasy's utmost we clutch at the core
While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut, and lips meet!
~ Robert Browning

First time he kissed me, he but only kissed
The fingers of this hand wherewith I write;
And, ever since, it grew more clean and white.
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of a doubt.
~ Thomas Carlyle

...then I did the simplest thing in the world.
I leaned down... and kissed him.
And the world cracked open.
~ Agnes de Mille

One kind kiss before we part,
Drop a tear and bid adieu;
Though we sever, my fond heart
Till we meet shall pant for you.
~ Robert Dodsley

That farewell kiss which resembles greeting,
that last glance of love which becomes
the sharpest pang of sorrow.
~ George Eliot [Mary Ann Evans] -

Kiss Quotes

A kiss is something you cannot
give without taking and cannot
take without giving.
~ Anonymous-

Kiss till the cow comes home.
~ Francis Beaumont

What of soul was left, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop?
~ Robert Browning

We turned on one another deep, drowned gazes, and exchanged a kiss that reduced my bones to rubber and my brain to gruel.
~ Peter De Vries

a peach is a peach
a plum is a plum
a kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue
... so open up your mouth
and close your eyes
and give your tongue some exercise...
~ Diesel

kisses are a better fate
than wisdom.
~ e. e. cummings

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
~ Ingrid Bergman

It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.
~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Just one night in your dreams...



"Just one night in your dreams would be like spending eternity staring at the face of an angel."

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Wanna Sleep on this pillows???






Why Men die before Women




Friday, May 18, 2007

Love is not finding the right person...



Love is not finding the right person
But creating the right relationship.

It is not how much love we have in the begining
But how much love we build until the end.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Girls cannot code!!! Even Google agrees ..


Girls cannot code!!! Even Google agrees ..

Monday, May 14, 2007

Prayers of male PARROT

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I
have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say
one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them
with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the
bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible
phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male
talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you
want a
date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put
your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

Saturday, May 12, 2007

An Old Lady, Driving a CAr

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... The Old woman & the cops!!
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Records

Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Records

Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records.

Hercules is an English Mastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.

With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the
three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's
standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules
weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal
food and he just grew".... and grew. and grew. and grew.